


Observations Of A Wicked Witch

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Pan Am
Genre: F/F, Femslash February
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 02:19:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Observations Judith Cameron made over the years.<b></b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers:** Pan Am, the rights to the show and its characters do not belong to me. No money was made by this.  
 **Spoilers:** everything, pre-series and future fic  
 **Pairings:** Kate Cameron/Colette Valois, Laura Cameron/Ted Vanderway  
 **Rating:** FRT

* * *

It would be a lie to say that Judith didn’t suspect it.

It started when Kate became a teenager and had her first boyfriend. That lasted for about six weeks, until Judith asked after Thomas one day and Kate shrugged, saying they didn’t like each other that way. Her mother knew it was a lie, she had seen the puppy looks that Thomas had given her daughter, but apparently Kate didn’t return those feelings. Oh well, plenty of other boys in the pond.

Only then she went out with another, and another, and it always ended after a few weeks, the furthest she got was three months. And Judith started wondering. Started watching her daughter interact with other girls, started scrutinizing her behavior, reprimanding her for hugs that were much too long in her opinion only to earn herself eye roll after eye roll.

She knew about these kinds of things from the other women at the DAR. Knew about poor Mrs Humphreys and her daughter who was a Lesbian, who saw other girls and did unmentionable things with them. But not Kate, no, her daughter wouldn’t do anything so… well, she wouldn’t.

Once Kate went to college, she stopped mentioning boyfriends completely, and Judith decided to encourage that. If she wanted to concentrate on her education, that was fine with her. Just after that, her daughter suddenly decided to throw said education away by serving coffee to strangers.

Even though she’s sure Kate often thinks it, Judith Cameron is not stupid. She notices the times when Kate comes home for a weekend and is in one of her crazy moods. She calls it jet lag, Judith has another word for it. It’s when Kate can’t sit still and can’t stop grinning to herself that Judith flashes back to a day when her daughter was at high school and came home completely disheveled. She never asked and Kate never said anything, but Judith knew what had happened, and part of her had been glad, because if she had slept with a boy, then surely that meant she had no interest whatsoever in girls.

But then Kate starts flying with another crew and while she doesn’t talk to her mother about her work that much, Judith overhears her and Laura a few times. It’s always ‘Colette this’ and ‘Colette that’, and then she notices the sparkle in her daughter’s green eyes when she says the other woman’s name and Judith _knows_.

* * *

One day, she decides to see who on earth her daughter is going on about all the time. She knows Kate won’t be around, she’s on an Around-the-World, so Judith drives to New York and is shocked when she realizes that all these young girls in uniform look so much alike they seem to be sisters or even twins at times. She starts asking around after Colette, wondering if the other stewardess might be off with Kate, but then one of the girls directs her eyes towards two women talking near the lounge. Both of them are tall, especially in their heels, and they seem to be friends from the way they are talking and smiling at each other. Then again, all these girls seem to be like that, Judith muses, wondering if that is part of what Kate likes about her job so much, having friends, or rather, the illusion of them.

Judith plucks up her courage and walks over to them.

“-can’t bother dealing with that.” the blonde woman says, her British accent giving Judith a brief pause.

“Ah, formal complaints won’t do much, anyway. She’s a paying passenger.” the brunette answers and Judith blinks in surprise at the French accent. She’s close enough that the two women notice her and the blonde one lifts an eyebrow.

“May we help you?” she asks, shifting on her feet as she crosses her arms.

“Ah, yes. I was looking for my daughter, Katherine.” Judith answers. “I was told one of you might know where she is.” she adds, hoping that neither one of them catches the lie.

“I’m sorry, there are a few girls around with that name.” the French one says, jumping lightly when someone calls out for Bridget.

“I will leave you to figure this one out.” the blonde woman says, quickly hugging the French one before she hurries off in the direction of the front desk where her name had been called.

“I am sorry, Miss?” Judith tries to draw the other woman’s attention back and the French girl blinks. Beautiful eyelashes, Kate’s mother thinks, wondering where the other woman might have gotten them from.

“Colette.” the brunette confirms her identity and Judith draws a slow breath. Well, she is pretty, she supposes. Attractive, probably, to men. And her daughter, it seems. Speaking of which.

“A surname might help?” Colette inquires and Judith shakes her head lightly.

“Cameron. Katherine Cameron, though she goes by-”

“Kate.” the stewardess completes the sentence, a warm smile playing on her lips that makes her eyes shine before she furrows her brows lightly. “I think she is on a longer route. Hang on.” she mutters, walking off to the desk. She returns a minute later, a print-out in her hands.

“Kate’s on an Around-the-World. She should be in Greece now. This is the schedule, though there may be some changes or delays.” she informs Judith and gives her the paper. “She’ll be back in a few days.” she smiles and for a second, Judith doesn’t know what to say. “If you have something urgent to discuss with her, you could leave a message at the desk, they’ll get it to her.”

Floored by so much thoughtfulness, Judith swallows and shakes her head, staring at the paper. She never got a schedule from her own daughter, but a random stranger is willing to give her one to calm her?

“Thank you so much. No, I, I will wait, until she gets back.” Judith mutters, watching as Colette smiles, inclines her head and then walks away to pick up her conversation with the blonde woman again, leaving her to find her own way out of operations and the airport to her car.

When Kate gets back from the Around-the-World, she asks her mother what possessed her to show up in New York and pester her friends, since she is sure she told her beforehand how long she wouldn’t be in the country. Judith snaps back at her, but part of her can’t help but wonder why Kate is so upset about her visit of her workplace, until Laura points it out innocently: Judith stepped into the territory Kate thought was a sanctuary from her mother and her influence.

* * *

She meets Colette again a few years later. By that time, Laura has followed Kate into the uniform, and invites their parents to New York for Christmas. They can’t come and visit because Kate only gets back on the 24th and Laura is due to fly out on the 26th already, so they really only have one day with each other as a family. Only when they are setting the table in Kate’s apartment, Judith notices how there’s room for one more at the table and that Kate set it, too. She has to bite her tongue not to ask if one of the girls is seeing someone, but the mystery is solved when there’s a knock on the door and Laura goes to open it, only for the person to walk in be that stewardess Kate cannot shut up about.

Since Laura doesn’t seem to be surprised by the other woman’s visit, Judith figures that the extra place at the table is for her and isn’t disappointed with that when Laura makes the formal introductions. Judith notices the way Kate’s jaw clenches as Colette reminds her they already met a few years ago, but the redhead doesn’t say anything and instead takes the pie the French woman brought for desert.

“Your parents must be sad that you’re staying in the US for Christmas.” Judith remarks over dinner, which sends Laura in a coughing fit, but her attention isn’t snagged early enough for her not to notice Colette’s wide eyes and the look on her face before she stands and fills up Laura’s glass with water.

“I don’t have any family.” Colette informs her quietly when she sits back down and Judith sees Kate reach out and squeeze the other woman’s arm gently.

“Yeah, it was hard accepting the girls both becoming stewardesses, it must be even harder when your kid is stationed in a different country-” Judith’s husband says around a piece of turkey, which makes Laura hide her face in her hands and Kate hiss “Daddy!” over the table.

“My parents died when I was young.” Colette shakes her head. “And I don’t have any other family.” she adds, taking a sip of her wine. It’s an explanation why she’s spending Christmas with her daughters, Judith figures, if it weren’t for the soft touches between Kate and the other woman that they exchange when they think no one is looking.

* * *

It’s another few months before Kate visits them with the news that she will be moving. The redhead has a certain talent to make announcements like this in the midst of other activity, her way of making sure that she can shut down any debate over it. So Judith lets it go in favor of wondering what on earth could possibly possess her younger daughter to get involved with a man who just left his wife with whom he already has a child. But just when Kate thinks she’s safe from her questions, Judith catches her daughter in the study, picking out a few books.

“I thought you liked your apartment.” she says, picking up one of her daughter’s selections and furrowing her brows briefly before putting it down. She sees Kate tense up slightly before the redhead draws a measured breath.

“I do. I did.” she says, picking up two other books and slipping past her mother. Judith follows her back to her old bedroom, taking in the chaos of clothes and books and photographs and mementos.

“Then I do not understand why you would be moving.” the older woman insists. Kate pauses in her folding up a blouse and slowly turns around.

“Colette’s lease is up and she hasn’t been able to find another apartment, not one she could afford anyway. So we’re moving in together.” Kate reveals, watching her mother’s face briefly.

Judith’s mouth opens and she blinks in surprise, trying to catch up with what is happening.

“Kate…” she mutters, shaking her head. She hasn’t said anything about what may or may not be going on between her daughter and the French woman, but that was when it didn’t ruin any future chances of finding a husband for her daughter. Moving in with that woman, this person, however…

“Don’t even start.” Kate shakes her head, returning to packing up her belongings. “Colette’s my friend, I know you don’t understand that-”

“I am worried about you.” Judith blurts out. It causes Kate to slowly turn around and gape at her mother. “I am worried that you are making the wrong choices. Kate, you won’t be flying for the rest of your life. How can you find a husband when you are sharing an apartment with another woman-”

“Sharing an apartment and bedroom didn’t stop Laura.” the redhead points out as she reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. Judith watches her, waiting for her daughter to say something else, but when Kate remains quiet, toying with the edge of the skirt she is holding, the other woman sighs and leaves her daughter’s room to let her continue packing up her things.

Perhaps her daughter does it unconsciously, but when the weekend is over and Kate is back in New York, Judith finds herself in her daughter’s suddenly empty bedroom. Kate used to keep some of her things still here, childhood mementos and photograph albums, little reminders of her teenage years. Now the posters are off the wall, the framed pictures that used to sit on her nightstand gone. It’s as if she removed every trace of her from her room, as much as that was possible.

Judith knows that Kate hasn’t thought of this house as her home for years, but seeing the proof still hurts. It’s when she notices that the snow globe Kate’s uncle gave her when she was eight is missing from its place on her drawer that Judith can’t hold in the tears any longer.

* * *

Kate gives them her new address, although she does it rather reluctantly. They don’t get a spare key this time, but Laura has one in case of emergencies. Kate uses her friend as an excuse. Colette wouldn’t be happy to find strangers in her living room, she argues, and Judith is much too tired to protest and say anything about it.

One day, something suddenly grabs hold of her and Judith drives all the way to New York. She finds the apartment building and slips in when someone else leaves. From the outside, it looks much like Kate’s old neighborhood, and it really isn’t that far from her old place, so maybe Judith should be glad about that.

The apartment is on the third floor. There’s a dark wooden door and two names above the doorbell, a small comfort. She rings and waits, wondering if either one of the women might be at home. For all she knows, they could both be on a flight. Or on different ones.

Judith isn’t sure what she expected, but she certainly didn’t expect her daughter’s friend to be the one answering the door.

“Mrs. Cameron.” she greets her, her eyebrows rising in surprise. Judith lets her eyes travel over the younger woman. She looks like she just fell out of bed, even though she is wearing a blouse and skirt, though her feet are clad in bunny slippers. Colette reaches up and rubs a hand over her eyes as she takes a step aside to let her in.

Much to her relief, she doesn’t find Kate’s clothes lying around in the living room or hallway. The apartment is tidy and… well, nice. There are photographs on the wall that Judith recognizes from when Laura showed them to her once. A tiny TV and a flowerpot in the window. Magazines lying on the coffee table. A Pan Am uniform laid out over the armrest of the couch, waiting to be ironed.

“Ah, Kate is out, she should be back in a few minutes, though.” Colette tells her, stifling a yawn. “ _Pardon_. Would you like something to drink?”

“Water, please.” Judith accepts, sitting down on the couch while the other woman disappears in the direction of what Judith assumes must be the kitchen. She returns with a glass of water and a cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry, I got back from Greece yesterday. I’m still jet lagged.” the French woman apologizes when she yawns again. The silence between them is uncomfortable, almost oppressive and Judith lets her gaze wander to find something she might talk about to fill the minutes until her daughter returns.

“How is it?”

“Warm.” Colette answers with a soft smile. “I was originally on a flight to Scandinavia, so that was a welcome surprise.”

“I can imagine.” Judith nods, taking another sip of her water, her gaze settling on a framed picture, depicting the French stewardess with a man, standing next to each other and grinning at whoever took the picture. Judith has seen these kinds of pictures before, she thinks. “Your boyfriend?” she asks, hope blossoming in her heart and making her forget how rude that question might be perceived. Colette frowns and turns her head, finding the picture. Her smile widens and she shakes her head.

“ _Non_ , that’s my brother.” she informs her, making Judith’s eyebrows shoot up. Hadn’t Colette told them years ago that she did not have any family? “I found out about him a while back. It took some time to find him, his name is Benjamin, we’ve only seen each other twice. Kate took this the first time we met.”

Perhaps Judith is imagining it, but there seems to be a spark in the other woman’s eyes when she says her daughter’s name, and suddenly, she wonders why she even came here. Before she can get up and make an excuse and leave, the sound of a key being inserted into the lock sounds and then the door opens. Kate’s heels click on the floor and she walks into the living room with her eyes fixed on a stack of mail.

“Colette, Benjamin wrote-” she starts calling out, looking up and freezing in her steps when she catches sight of her mother. “You.” she finishes, holding out the letter to her friend, ignoring her mother as she walks to the kitchen, setting down the bag she brought with her. Colette inclines her head, giving Judith a soft smile before she disappears down the hallway, presumably to her bedroom. Hopefully to _her_ bedroom.

Judith takes a breath before she follows her daughter, entering the kitchen to see her slam down a cabbage on the counter.

“Are you happy now?” her daughter asks, her back still to her.

“Excuse me?”

Kate whirls around then, abandoning the groceries in favor of glaring at her mother.

“You had to do it, didn’t you? Sneak around after me; try to find out what secrets I have been hiding from you. Your daughters grew up and make their own choices and you can’t take that, you just have to interfere with their happiness-”

“How am I interfering with your happiness?” Judith asked, her voice rising just like her daughter’s. “I wanted to visit you, see how you live-”

Kate shakes her head, stalking down the hall with Judith following her. The younger woman throws open the door to one of the rooms, waving at it.

“Please, go inside. Look your fill. I’m sure if you ask, Colette will be willing to tell you that those are all my clothes you see and not hers that I yanked off her body.”

Judith takes a step back, shocked by her daughter’s words and how true they are. Kate just shakes her head again, pushing past her.

“Close the door on your way out.” she mutters before disappearing, leaving her mother to wonder when exactly she lost her daughter.

* * *

Her grandson calls Colette “auntie”. It’s something that Kate said in jest once but the boy picked up on it and none of the adults ever correct him.

Charlie isn’t Laura’s son. He’s that of her husband, of Judith’s son-in-law, but the boy’s mother died and the boy can’t even remember her and it seems like Laura is eager enough to fill someone else’s shoes and role in the boy’s life.

When her daughter’s husband left for Vietnam, Judith wondered how Laura was going to cope with that, but seeing her now, she is surprised by how much strength Laura possesses. When her own husband was gone, fighting in a country far away, Judith had no idea how to get through most days. But Laura is smiling and at ease and the older woman can’t help but be a little jealous of Laura’s strength.

There are moments when Laura’s smile falters, but she always catches herself and there is no sign of an imminent break-down.

Colette has a strange sense for people’s moods. She draws Kate’s attention to other things, shakes her head at Laura and grabs Charlie to get him out of the room to wash his hands before he can hear the adults start fighting.

When they are cleaning up the table, Charlie in bed with his new stuffed bear (named Louis after the French king; it was Colette who gave it to him after all), Judith thinks she will get a few deep breaths in the kitchen to herself.

It’s the first time she sees Kate and Colette together when they are completely unaware of anyone watching them. Her daughter has a dish towel over her shoulder, her hands on Colette’s shoulder as she watches her rinse a plate. Kate leans in to whisper something in the other woman’s ear and Judith can see the corners of Colette’s mouth lift up in smile, but she tries to fight it down and shakes her head, faking a frown. Her daughter laughs then, teasingly, one of her hands dropping down and snaking around the other woman’s waist when she presses a kiss to her cheek, sighing when Colette places one on her forehead.

* * *

Instead of grandchildren, Kate brings home a dog. Spencer is a lovely Golden Retriever, though his lack of obedience is less lovely.

Judith watches Charlie chase the dog around in their yard, hears her husband laugh about the boy’s antics and those of the dog, hears Colette call out to stop the dog when he gets too rough. Laura and Ted seem unconcerned with what’s going on, and Kate disappeared a few minutes ago.

“It was Colette’s idea.” Kate’s voice suddenly sounds and Judith whirls around to find her daughter standing a little behind her. “Charlie wanted one, but Ted said no…” she trails off, closing her eyes as she draws a shuddering breath, Judith’s heart sinking.

“I know I haven’t been the daughter you wanted.” Kate says, blinking her eyes rapidly. “And I used to think it was okay, because you weren’t the mother I needed, either.”

The words sting and make Judith gasp softly. She’s always known that Kate rejected her, known it since before her daughter hit puberty, really. But hearing it be confirmed…

“I fell in love with her on our first flight together.” Kate admits, her lips quirking into the hint of a smile when her green eyes find Colette’s form trying to chase after dog and child. “She’s wonderful. Smart, too, and with a great sense of humor...”

Judith swallows thickly, not knowing what to say. Kate bites her lip, blinking again.

“I love her. She makes me feel alive, she makes me laugh and she cries with me. She has the biggest heart and I have never met anyone with such compassion and empathy… I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I know that she loves me, too. And if you can’t accept that, if you can’t look past the fact that Colette is a woman… if you can’t be happy that I am happy, then I think it would be best if you stayed out of my life from now on.”

It’s possibly the hardest choice Judith has ever had to make.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Do you believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of Heaven and earth?”

“I do.” Colette answered the priest.

“Do you believe in Jesus Christ, His only son, our Lord, who was born to the virgin Mary, was crucified, died and was buried, rose from the dead, and is now seated at the right hand of the Father?”

Judith turns her head a little so see her older daughter watch the baptism of her niece with bright eyes, though it is apparent that Kate’s eyes aren’t on the baby or her sister, but instead glued to Colette. Judith would have hoped that she’d be more subtle, given the setting, but then again, Laura had pretty much decided to encourage the two women in making her daughter’s… _whatever_ the godmother of her newborn daughter.

The older woman shakes her head slightly, concentrating again on the ceremony in time to hear Laura answer the question after the baby’s name.

“Emily Vanderway.” the blonde woman softly says, frowning a little at the baby when she fusses in Colette’s arms.

“Emily Vanderway, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

“Amen.” the three adults echo softly.

Once the ceremony is over and the baby has calmed down from receiving the unexpected shower, Kate helps Charlie into his coat, fixing the boy’s scarf while Ted’s parents coo over the baby. It seems like it’s the first time they actually see the tiny girl for longer than a few minutes, and Judith knows how exciting that must be for them. She’s never had much contact with her son-in-law’s parents since the wedding and it appears to her that the relationship between Ted and especially his father is a rather strained one.

“Can I have a cookie?” Charlie asks, rubbing his hand under his nose. Kate pulls a face and searches for a tissue, handing it to him as she shakes her head.

“No, I’m sorry. But we’re leaving for the restaurant now, so you’re going to get something to eat really soon.” she tells the boy, putting his woolen hat on his head and teasingly pulling it down too far so it covers the boy’s eyes and he has to push it back up. Kate holds her hand out to him, but Charlie shakes his head, prancing over to Colette instead.

“Can I walk with you?” he asks her, tugging on her coat when he doesn’t immediately get her attention as the stewardess is talking to the priest. A behavior that Judith would like to correct, but neither Ted, nor her daughter or Colette seem to think so, in fact the French stewardess nods, pulling on her gloves before offering her hand to the boy.

“Will you join us?” Kate asks her mother, startling Judith slightly. She turns to look at her daughter in surprise.

“I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome.” she softly says, causing Kate to roll her eyes and shake her head.

“Well, for one it might look a bit awkward to have you disappear suddenly.” the redhead points out with a nod in the direction of Ted’s parents, who are obviously going to accompany them to dinner. “And second of all, Laura invited you. If she wants you here, I’m fine with it.”

“That’s very generous of you.” Judith can’t help but comment. She hasn’t talked to Kate in months, neither of them made any attempt to reach out to each other before the funeral of the girls’ father four months ago, and by then it was too late. They’d been hurt too deeply and truth be told, Judith hadn’t been in any mood to deal with her daughter then, the sudden, unexpected loss of her husband too painful to focus on anything else. But it had made her worried about seeing Kate again at the Christening, and she had been worried about the younger woman’s reaction to her. Surprisingly, they haven’t fought yet, and Kate keeps her distance most of the time, and when they do get too close, Colette usually steps in and draws Kate away again before the two women can explode at each other.

 “What can I say, I’m a giver.” Kate shrugs, reaching up to brush her hair behind her ear. The light catches in the golden ring her daughter wears now, making Judith furrow her brows. Laura told her that Kate had given up her job at Pan Am a few months ago and found a position as translator. From what she heard before the ceremony, Judith gathers that Colette is currently working out a way to leave Pan Am and stay in the country, and she isn’t sure how she feels about that. If Colette were to leave, perhaps her daughter would see the error of her ways and decide that she is done with this lifestyle, that she does want to settle down, get married and have children.

The short walk to the restaurant is a rather uneventful one, but once their food arrives, Charlie surprises everyone exclaiming that they need to say Grace first and wanting to be the one to do it.

“No jokes, buddy.” Ted tells him sternly and the boy nods eagerly, folding his hands solemnly.

“God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food. By His hands we all are fed, give us, Lord, our daily bread. Amen.” Charlie says, the adults chiming in, rather surprised by the boy’s sudden display of devotion. Judith frowns, wondering where that prayer might have come from. She never really forced her daughters to say them out loud, though Maria certainly tried. But judging from the surprise on her daughter’s face, it’s not something she heard before, either.

“Did you learn that at school?” Judith asks her grandson as Ted starts cutting the boy’s meat, but Charlie shakes his head.

“No, Auntie C’lette taught me.” he grins at the woman, prompting an indulgent smile from her in return.

“He was having a sleepover at our place and Kate was working late. It’s the only English one I know.” the French stewardess shrugs when she finds that now she has the grandparents watching her strangely.

“Don’t worry, mother’s just surprised because in our family, godparents weren’t actually much of believers.” Kate chimes in before grabbing the salt and adding some to her meal.

“So, you’re actually… into this sort of thing?” Ted’s father asks, gesturing with his knife. It makes Colette clench her jaw briefly and she reaches for her glass to take a sip of wine before she decides to answer.

“I grew up in an orphanage run by nuns.” she says, tilting her head. “Prayer was part of my daily life for fourteen years, and I found that some things don’t really leave you. Also, I almost took vows myself, so I guess that yes, I am into this sort of thing.”

“He didn’t mean it like that.” Ted mutters, casting a look at his father.

“Oh, I’m not offended.” Colette quickly shakes her head.

“A stewardess that almost became a nun. Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.” Ted’s mother muses.

“Why did you decide against it?” Judith can’t help but ask, noticing the glare Kate throws her. But it is rather strange, she thinks, that someone like _Colette_ would decide that she could pursue the, well, career of being a nun.

The French woman furrows her brows slightly, her eyes darting to Charlie, who is happily pushing his peas around on his plate.

“I’m not sure. I think I realized that me doubting if it was really what I wanted wasn’t the best starting point for it, really. And I found that there would have been something I would have… direly missed.” she adds, smirking softly and exchanging an amused look with Laura.

“Yeah, all right, enough of that.” Ted chuckles, understanding what exactly Colette means. Years ago, Judith would have been horrified at having that topic brought up at the dining table. Even now her blood pressure rises, but she has learned that there are some things she will not be able to change. One of which is the lifestyle her two daughters have chosen once they became Pan Am stewardesses. Much to her surprise, the rest of the meal is spent discussing more appropriate things, and what is more, she does not see any of the usual subtle touching between Kate and her friend. Neither one of them slip their hands below the table at any point, though that might have something to do with Ted letting Charlie slip under the table to play after he is done with his food and the adults are still eating.

* * *

At Laura’s house, Colette is holding the baby and humming softly to her in between gentle mutterings in French. Apparently, Emily has decided that she is over behaving like an angel, and lets everyone know her displeasure, though she fails to communicate what would calm her.

When a bottle (neither milk nor diluted tea) and a diaper change fail to make the child stop crying, the adults resort to passing her around. Much to Judith’s surprise, the baby’s shrieks of unhappiness went down to occasional whimpers when it was Kate that was holding her as she slowly walked around the living room, but when the baby got too heavy in her arms and she handed her off to Ted, the crying picked up again. Now Colette is trying her best, and it seems like whatever she is doing might actually be working. Though Judith is willing to bet that that is more due to the baby having exhausted herself finally than it has anything to do with the French woman knowing what she is doing.

“You’re not like, teaching her the French constitution or something, right?” Ted asks over the back of the couch, lifting the glass of whiskey he used to cool his forehead away to look at Colette.

“ _Non_ , I’m not reciting the French constitution.” the woman assures him with a soft smile before adding something in French that has Kate and Laura laughing quietly.

“It was a poem.” Kate enlightens Ted when he frowns at his wife.

“I know I’ve heard it before, but I have no idea who wrote it.” Laura cuts in, brows furrowed lightly.

“Charles Baudelaire. _Le flambeau vivant_. I think the English translation calls it “The Living Torch”?” Colette furrows her brows, casting a questioning look at Kate. The redhead nods, waving at her niece when she raises her head from Colette’s shoulder, looking around tiredly.

“Shall we try putting you to sleep again?” Ted asks the baby softly, attempting to lift her from Colette’s arms, only to have the child whimper and spit out her pacifier.

“I do not mind holding her for a little more.” the French woman assures the girl’s father, shifting Emily’s weight a little and runs a hand down the baby’s back.

“Don’t be silly, you can’t continue to pass her around for the rest of the day. Put her down and just ignore the screaming, she will calm down eventually.”

“Mother!” Laura exclaims, staring at Judith in shock.

“You two lived.” she reminds them, gesturing between Kate and her younger daughter. She doesn’t miss how Kate rolls her eyes at her.

“That explains a lot.” she mumbles, standing and grabbing the baby’s blanket before she goes over to her lo- _Colette_. The brunette frowns briefly when Kate holds up the blanket before she drapes it over her shoulder, and Judith watches the interaction, looking for something… well, she is not entirely sure what. There have been moments she wasn’t supposed to see in the past, when the two women were so gentle and affectionate with each other, but today it almost seems as if there is little of that affection left. It’s not the usual tense interactions she witnessed before either, when they were trying hard to hide their feelings, no, it’s actually that there seem little feelings involved any longer. Which makes her sigh with relief.

“Kate, I don’t think-” Ted starts when the redhead pulls the blanket down and covers Emily’s face with it, and sure enough, the little girl starts screaming bloody murder almost immediately, but Colette just makes shushing sounds and rocks her body a little, and soon enough, the frantic kicking of the girl’s legs stops and she calms down until even the occasional whimpers have stopped.

“Sometimes having been a stewardess comes in handy.” Kate smiles softly, chancing a peek under the blanket and finding Emily fast asleep. Ted shows Colette the way to the nursery so they can figure out a way to put the baby into her bassinette without waking her up, and Judith grabs that chance to catch a few moments with her daughters alone.

“Have you and… _her_. Did you, have a fight?” she asks Kate, causing the redhead to lift her eyebrows before she rolls her eyes.

“No, Colette and I haven’t fought. And even if we had, that is none of your business.”

“You just seem…” Judith offers almost weakly, wondering how to word it. “Different.” she finally settles on something. Kate draws a slow breath, casting a glance at her sister before she squares her shoulders.

“We didn’t want to say anything because it’s supposed to be Emily’s day, but… Colette and I, we figured out the situation with her visa.”

“That’s great!” Laura exclaims, beaming, but Judith stares at her daughter, waiting for the bomb to drop. Because if whatever they had figured out meant that they would both stay in New York, she’s pretty sure that Kate wouldn’t look half as guilty as she does now.

“Colette will have to leave.” Kate tells them, and in that moment, Judith already knows. “The visa she has is because she’s working for Pan Am. The condition for her to stay would be to find another job, and apparently, there aren’t any positions available. Not for a French woman with our level of education. And scrubbing floors and waiting tables would be a waste of that.”

“So she has to go back to France?” Laura asks, furrowing her brows.

“Yes.” Kate confirms, nodding slowly before she draws another breath. “And I’m going to go with her.”

Laura’s jaw drops and she stares at her sister, completely dumbfounded.

“There’s somewhat of an international school for girls in Paris, they are looking for teachers. I have been writing them and they set up an interview next week. Colette’ll be on layover in Paris anyway, we figured it would be- Laura, please, don’t-” Kate trails off as her sister sniffles and inclines her head.

“Sorry.” she mutters, getting up and grabbing a tissue to dab at her tears. “It’s just, I’ll be losing my sister, and my best friend. You’re moving to Paris!” she exclaims and Judith watches as Kate stands, walking over to her sister to hug her tightly.

“I’m sorry.” she whispers, leaning back, tears brimming in her eyes. “But I, I have to. She’s… _everything_.”

Just then, Ted and Colette return, laughing with each other, until they notice the looks on the sisters’ faces.

“What’s going on?” Ted asks, frowning as Colette glances at the floor, looking rather guilty.

“I’m so sorry.” she mutters, going over to Laura to hug the other woman as Kate explains their plans to her brother-in-law. None of them notice Judith get up and leave, too angry to say anything. She thought that Kate might have changed, that she had come to her senses and called it quits with the other woman. But it turns out that her daughter is still as selfish and irresponsible as she has been for the past few years, ever since she decided to throw her education away to serve coffee to strange men 35,000 feet above the ground. And now it’s not enough that she lives with that woman, no, she has to follow her to bloody France, just after her sister had a baby and made Colette Valois the godmother, of all people.

* * *

Laura brings back pictures every time her husband, her and the children go to France. She sometimes tells Judith about telephone calls with her sister, too. Or at least mentions that they are in contact that way.

The only sign that Judith has that her oldest child is still alive are Christmas, Easter and birthday cards. And when she takes them out, neatly sorted after the year they were written in, she can see the handwriting change drastically at one point. At first she didn’t notice, but looking at them next to each other, she has to admit that the person writing the cards changed. Either that or they injured their hand in a way that made them change the way they are writing, and since Laura never mentioned anything like that… She doesn’t want to admit it, but the truth is, the first four years, it’s Colette Valois writing the cards and faking Kate’s signature. And maybe she should be thankful that the French woman made that much of an effort, but Judith can’t help but still resent her. Because it was Colette her daughter fell in love with, Colette who returned those feelings, Colette who had to go back to France. Though Kate chose to follow her, Judith wishes that the French woman would have broken up with her daughter, told her to stay with her family, and not been so selfish and taken her to France with her, taken her away from Judith and Laura and her niece and nephew.

She knows that Laura tells Kate about the diagnosis. Though there is no mention of it in the next card. Christmas. Judith used to love Christmas and insisted on hosting the event, but now she’s so tired all the time. Months ago, she scoffed at the idea that she should not live on her own, but now she is thankful for her son-in-law’s insistence that she move in with them.

This year, Laura outdoes herself with the preparations. Emily is six and such a beautiful little girl, with her strawberry blonde hair and her big green eyes. Charlie has turned into quite a handsome young fella, though he loves giving his sister hell and there are fights erupting every time they are left alone together for more than ten seconds, and Judith can see Laura count the days in her head until her children start school again and don’t have to spent so much time together.

It’s the day before the New Year when she’s admitted to the hospital, too weak to fight them any longer. On New Year’s Eve, she tells Laura to go and be with her children. Tells her that she won’t just die before getting to see the fireworks. Children aren’t allowed in the hospital. And Judith wouldn’t want them around, anyway. She loves Emily, and even Charlie, but though she’d like to say goodbye to them, she doesn’t want them to see her like this. She can’t even hold her head up for a sip of water, how pathetic is that?

When she wakes to the sound of fireworks going off, Judith blinks in confusion. There’s someone in her room, watching the display from the window. Arms crossed tightly in front of her chest, a posture Judith is all to familiar with, though she hasn’t seen it in years.

“You came.” she breathed, and watches her daughter tense before she nods.

“Yes.” Kate whispers, turning to look at her. “Colette bought the tickets. I didn’t ask…” Judith’s daughter trails off and takes a slow breath before she starts walking towards the bed, pulling up the chair Laura had used hours before.

“Where is she?”

“Showing New York City fireworks to her brother.” Kate answers, a soft smile tugging on her lips. “Benjamin came with us.”

Judith nods, closing her eyes briefly. She wants to say something, but she has no idea what. It’s been like this between her and Kate since her daughter hit puberty. Possibly even before that. Whatever they say to each other always comes across as an insult, even when they are not intending to hurt the other person.

“Mother?” Kate softly says and Judith opens her eyes again, watching as the light from the hallway hits her daughter’s face. She is beautiful, always has been. And she missed her, missed seeing her so much.

“I forgive you.” Kate tells her, drawing a measured breath. Judith knows that there is more she wants to say, but for once, her daughter remains silent, watching her before she reaches out to adjust the scarf around Judith’s head.

“You should go to her.” she says, watching as her daughter furrows her brows before she shakes her head no.

“Colette and I, we will have other nights.” Kate replies, swallowing before she suddenly laughs. “Besides, I am not sure I would even be able to find them. Sense of direction must be hereditary, because neither Colette nor Benjamin possess any of it.”

And as she launches into a recount of the time that the siblings managed to get lost in Rome during a vacation, leaving Kate to stay up half the night at their hotel worried sick, Judith suddenly wonders why it couldn’t have always been like this. She knows that Kate is making an immense effort, but at the same time she cannot help but wonder if they might have been able to have this relationship with each other, if the two of them would have just tried harder. But there is no sense in what ifs now, she realizes after a few moments, and decides to just enjoy it while she can. Tomorrow will be a new day, another chance, and she’s determined to take it.

* * *

 Benjamin reached out to wrap an arm around his sister’s shoulder and pull her close. He was taller than her, by a few inches, something he always held over her when she dared to introduce him as her little brother.

“Sometimes I wonder…” Colette began before she shook her head. Benjamin cast a glance at her before pressing a kiss to her temple. He’d been so happy when she had shown up in his life, when they had found each other, so thankful to have her returned to him. All his life, he’d felt as if someone had been missing from it, a feeling that only went away when he finally met her, when he’d been able to understand at last what they had lost during the war.

He’d thought that Kate was simply a friend at first, but Colette hadn’t wanted to start their relationship with lies, so she had told him. Told him everything, how they had met, how they’d become friends and how they’d quickly realized that they felt more than mere friendship for each other. He’d stared at both of them, trying to digest those news, when he’d seen the terror in Colette’s eyes, the fear, and he’d realized that it changed absolutely nothing between them. She was still his older sister, the one he’d been looking for all his life without really knowing. Who she was in love with had nothing to do with that. And then he’d gotten to know Kate, and what a great person she was, and all he had been interested in then was if they were happy with each other. Which they both assured him they were, and that had been the end of that for him.

But he got what his sister was talking about, and Benjamin had to admit that the thought had crossed his mind, too. The question as to what their mother’s reaction would have been like, if she had known about Colette and her female lover.

Benjamin knew what his adoptive parents would have thought, and he knew that his sister was aware of there being a very specific reason as to why he had never invited both women to their place. He hadn’t wanted to exclude Kate, it had just been an attempt to protect them. Benjamin knew how his father could be, knew how his mother could act, and since they were unsure of how to react to Colette anyway, he hadn’t wanted to make things worse between them.

“I don’t think it would have mattered.” he told her. Colette turned her head, giving him a look that caused Benjamin to shrug. “You told me that they promised they’d come back for us. And I think they would have, if the Nazis hadn’t killed them. And I think, if you survive the Holocaust, then what does is matter if you find your child in love with another woman? All they would have cared about was that we are alive and happy. You are happy, right?”

“Right now?” Colette asked him with a raised eyebrow before a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“In the general sense, I mean.” Benjamin rolled his eyes at her. He knew that a cemetery on the second day of the new year definitely was no place to be ecstatic, especially not since they had just listened to a rather solemn service.

“In the general sense, I am.” his sister confirmed, her eyes going back to the grave, brows knitting together in soft concern. “Would you mind if I stayed for a while?” she asked, her voice barely audible. He’d been waiting for the question ever since they’d learned that Kate’s mother had passed away. He knew that Kate needed to stay, to say her good-byes, and that there was too much to deal with than she’d be able to do in two days. And he had known that there was no way Colette would leave her at a time like this. They might both have the tendency to push the other away when things got difficult, but each of them was stubborn enough not to listen in those moments.

“Already called the airline.” Benjamin shrugged. “I will need your keys, though, assuming you want your plants watered while you’re away.”

Colette shook her head at him before she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I am so glad I found you.” she whispered as Benjamin hugged her back.

“Me, too.” he returned, turning his face into her neck.

_fin._


End file.
